A lot can happen in the blink of an eye. Death happens. Jobs lost. Friendships come to an end (or maybe a bittersweet pause). Over the last year, there are a few lessons I've learned, but the one that sticks the most is:
Show up for others how you'd want them to show up for you.
I remember my first meeting with my therapist. I was terrified, to say the least. Who wants to sit across from a complete stranger and be vulnerable? Surely not me! There are a handful of folks who know me (THE REAL ME) because when I consider you a friend, you're now family. In that respect, I can act a total fool, be my authentic self, and expect nothing but acceptance/love in return. Long story short: if I don't send you memes or use the sentences from our conversations and relate them to songs, you don't know me too well. Haha!
During my 4 months of therapy were the hardest. It's easier to judge others when looking into their lives from a distance. It's even more difficult to be faced with your own demons each session and tackling them one by one. One of my biggest demons = showing up even when I felt uncomfortable or when I was emotionally unavailable. There were times I'd make plans, commit to things, ready to show up and show out for those I called friends/family, and at the last minute would fall short. 98% of those times, I never did it maliciously. Either I had a depressive episode, an anxiety attack, or life hits and there's not much I can do. What's worse is the shame that would raise its ugly head after not following through and having to deal with that negative emotion on top of everything else. Then I remember one day, my therapist said:
"To have friends, you must first be a friend."
To say that didn't cut deep in the gut enough for a month's worth of self-reflection, I would be lying. Following that revelation, I found myself making promises and keeping them even when the feeling of commitment subsided. I've learned that I am human. I am not perfect. I will make mistakes. What eventually determines my growth is my ability to own all my SHIT (good/bad) and during the process, learn to forgive myself. Throughout that journey, I found a love for myself, how I showed up in spaces with & for others, if I'm being a resource to those who need it, and choosing courage over contentment.
So take the moment. Love yourself enough to look deep and resolve emotional ties that are revolving doors that leave you in negative spaces (emotional/physical). If you can afford it, therapy is also self-care. It's okay. It'll be scary at first. But I promise you, it's going to be okay.
Have you ever done therapy? Why or why not? Holla at me below!